yahoo !! .. no, not the search engine, but the joy that is another guest post here at tbaoo, today it’s sarah – jane’s turn. what a turn it is, in a completely amazing case of connectivity, we have another issue that tbaoo knows only too well, see here for details. please check out sarah – jane’s tremendous work.
The Art of Noise – Snoring
So you’ve settled in for the night and just in the middle of a perfect dream when you are abruptly woken by a braying herd of cows but you live in the city, NO! It’s a pneumatic drill, NO! not quite, it’s a blasted jack hammer but wait it’s 2.30am, NO! the concerto of flight, or rather roar of the bumble bee is coming from your partner. You resist the urge to punch him in the face and you wearily rub your eyes, reach over and grab his nose. A few grunts and chocked gasps of air and the decibels gradually reduce to heavy breathing. Aaahhhh you turn over and nestle back in to sleep.
I’d say it takes all of 2 minutes before the rip roaring, teeth clenching nasal and throat vibrations start all over again. Maybe just a gentle nudge this time, yep that wakes the sleeping lamb and a few terse words of “arrghh what was that for?” Now means that you can plug in your ears and try to fall into comatose sleep before he does.
I’ve been in this situation many years ago where my sleep deprived neighbours have complained that the snoring is so bad they are considering moving but the fear of having to disclose the sleeping deviant means that moving is not really an option. I’ve been pacing the room looking for a solution and as tempting as shoving that pillow over his face was, it’s not really the best way to solve the problem. My solution was to finish the relationship – seems harsh but it was early days and I just knew there was no way I could spend the rest of my life with someone I just wanted to suffocate and this guys snoring was so bad, he would wake himself up. It appears I am not alone here, snoring is one of the most cited reasons for relationships ceasing to be. I can totally relate to anyone who has been in this situation, you have my sympathy.
I’ve been pretty lucky or maybe unlucky as the case maybe – is it true that every guy snores? I don’t think I’ve ever found one that doesn’t and my need for sleep is starting to bring out the irrational thoughts of you will sleep in the car, or I will be taking your head off if you don’t find a solution. My current partner is asthmatic and although snoring isn’t a constant problem there are times when it does get the better of me. Somehow I mellowed, maybe because of his Asthma or maybe the fact that we live over 100 miles apart means that I can cope with it but we are looking to move in together, then what?
I’ve been scanning the internet to find solutions, this suggestion made me laugh but from the midst of my sleep deprived day my coffee makes me laugh.
Step 1: Get a thick pillow
Step 2: Put pillow on said snorers face
Step 3: Put a strong amount of force onto pillow.
Step 4: Continue force upon pillow till said snorer no longer struggles or snores.
Step 5: Hide body
Step 6: Make up an excuse
Step 7: Dump body with car into a lake
Step 8: Have a good nights rest (In prison)
So the wonders of the internet haven’t quite solved the problem and hey they may not be total solutions but they are pretty funny.
Here’s to a good night’s sleep – hopefully - SJ