i’ve had a haircut, a very nice one which was competently carried out by a friendly russian man in a local shopping centre. the haircut is a complete change of pace for me and was a bit of shock for the russian and his boss, i must admit. the russian asked if i wanted to look like a military man, maybe a marine ? “oo-rah”

once many years ago, maybe 27 years ago, i shaved my head completely, well i didn’t do it of course, i had a young nymph like hairdresser do it. she and her peers and the rest of the reasonably upmarket salon crowd asked me at least seven times. do you really want it all off, shaved and baby bum bald, the answer was yes !! they even oiled me up before i left and i think they even took a photograph. i tried to take a photograph of the nymph but was told politely to take my “hair in a bag” and go.

i packed it all up in a bag and took it to a dinner party we were all having for a very close friend. i arrived fashionably late looking fabulous and stood at the edge of the 20 or so friends that had gathered at the birthday bash, i watched, watched and waited.

they looked at me, faces tipping like a little puppy, all quizzical, confused, even to the point of saying who is this hanging about our table with what looks like a beautifully wrapped present. well dear reader it took at least 2 minutes, me saying nothing of course, for the penny to drop and so did the jaws. both dropped big time.

the state of shock, screams of joy, amazement, panic, laughter and abuse ran for the entire night. it was a hoot. the mate couldn’t believe that i had shaved my head, but here it comes dear reader – when the presents were opened, the noise from our table was outrageous. the waiter even asked if everything was alright, they even asked the smiling bald guy who was laughing the most, that was me of course. the birthday boy opened the beautifully wrapped present and there it was in all its cleanliness, my hair, all of it. in a plastic bag of course.

so mine isn’t as bad as that memorable haircut, but it’s the shaping of whats to come, i’m growing the top and keeping sides close, close so i can catch the action that such a haircut might attract. i’m kidding of course, my bride thinks it looks ridiculous, but there’s one thing i do well and that’s grow hair, so it won’t take long. action or no action.

btw. the title relates to an old english barber expression, when they sold a range of condoms for the gentlemen folk.

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