dear reader, please remain seated, of course you are, unless you’re standing on a train, bus, ferry or even in the queue for the loo on an aircraft, you are reading this deliberate outpouring of my deepest darkest secrets.
i’m going to number them, for no other reason other than it’s easier for me to keep track of.
here we go …
- aching foot, right side or if you’re looking at me, the left side. it gives me jip and sometimes hurts like “heel”, no it’s not gout see number 2.
- gout, i’m told that the pain, which is excruciating, can be described as a pregnant woman passing a wheelchair.
- my right knee, it’s where the gout appears as well as a big toe. i tore something many years ago and it’s not healed well.
- my fallen arches are also giving me some grief. my entire skeletal frame is out of whack.
- my left shoulder and arm, no it’s not heart related, i’ve had it checked, but shit it’s sore, i can’t wave my arms around like i used to be able to… you should have seen me gesticulating around the place – i always felt very gesticulatory ( my favourite word, who knew i could get it into a post ).
- my teeth, what’s left of them, they were so good, and so bad and many have gone missing, replaced by wondrous frames and design.
- my nose, well this is a whopper, not just the size but the fact i cant breath through it. if i was kidnapped and they put a bit of gaffer tape over my mouth i’d die.
- my eyes, well i wear spectacles and seem to require an extra strength every two years.
- my wrist, i smashed it in a motorcycle accident in 1980 odd and it never healed as it should have despite the less than adequate medical attention i was offered.
- my back, spineless sometimes but that’s not what i mean, it’s getting harder to get up without serious moaning on my part.
- alzheimer’s disease, i think that’s what it is. i can’t remember a freak’n thing.
- i’m getting fatter, belly and chin and it’s frightening.
- last one i promise, my mental capacity to waffle on, exaggerate, demand attention and combined with obsessive compulsive disorder makes this blogging lark a good fit.
ok, so there we go, i’ll try and remember some more as time goes by. i’m sorry but who are you ?